Fully Surrendered

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday morning and a beautiful day in the city of Corona, California.

I entered the large sanctuary with both pain and hope in my heart. The night before I prayed that God would lead me to a church I could call home. I hadn’t known Christ for too long and to tell you the truth I didn’t know him as much as I should have.

I had prayed the sinners prayer about a year before but my heart was not fully surrendered. It was more of a trial basis. I was still hurt by all that my life had composed of up until then and I didn’t feel comfortable calling Jesus, Jesus. It was too personal for my comfort. So I called him God and avoided an intimate relationship with him.

I was a Sunday church goer and that was the extent of my Christianity, but a year later, everything changed.

I was living with an abusive man I was not married to, and though I thought that having a great new BMW and a beautiful new home would fix all of our problems, I quickly found out that a bunch success didn’t fix a hurting heart and a broken spirit.

I was in pain and I had reached my breaking point. I tried it ALL: men, money, alcohol, travel, fun and even dabbled with new age spirituality, but nothing worked..at least not long term.

It all just served as a temporary escape from the pain of my present  and past.

So when I again found myself feeling empty after yet  another argument with my then boyfriend (who would soon become my husband, and then ex-husband… I’ll save that story for another post), I finally caved in and prayed to Jesus, specifically, and I asked him to help me.

I went to a local church seeking the answer to my deeply embedded continuos pain, and there I found and accepted Jesus into my heart… genuinely.

I still remember the answer I gave to the woman’s questions who sat with me after I accepted Jesus.

“Why did you accept Jesus?” she asked.

I broke down crying and in between sobs I managed to answer,

“Because I am tired.”

And I was.

Tired of trying to do things my way.

Tired of trying to fix my life with different things.

Tired of the constant hopelessness, and most specifically, tired of living in FEAR and not knowing what LOVE truly was, the two things that kept me in a continued cycle of wrong choices.

After that moment I knew things were going to change.

Fully Surrendered is how I came to the feet of Jesus and Fully Surrendered is how I encourage you to approach Him, the one who has the answer your spirit longs to find.

<3 Ruby E. Dieguez

 

 

 

 

13 Comments

  1. Powerful testimony honey! You have shared it with me in the past but your testimony takes on a different life-form in a written format. Thanks for sharing your story with the world. I am sure there are people out there right now who can relate and are feeling “tired” as well.

    Love,

    David

  2. My GOD,my GOD, my GOD. Ruby, BEAUTIFULLY written. I love your transparency. Oh my Ruby, this is such a great platform GOD has givin you. I’m excited n so proud of this moment. I love you.

  3. Perhaps, you were born for such a time as this. Ruby, I am incredibly proud of you for stepping out in faith to write publicly. God has gifted you to share truth on this platform and he is going to use your testimony to reach many people.

    1. Thank you my sister from another mister. You have been a constant supporter of my writing and such an encouragement to me. I love our friendship and I love that we each get to journey together towards our specific God mandates.

  4. I truly believe that God puts the right people in our paths for a reason. Little did I know that last Sunday I’d be helping at Starting Point and meeting you. Just the little you share and me feeling comfortable opening up, you gave me hope of a happily ever after. I look forward to hearing your powerful testimony.

  5. Wow Ruby! I’m in awe with your testimony and just to think what a long way you’ve come, and will go! Knowing you since Elementary school and not knowing what a treasure You really are! I love how God has a purpose in each of us, and you my dear friend has found hers! Give us more of You! Love you!

    1. It warms my heart that you have read this 🙂 We have indeed come a long way and I know that the Lord has great plans for you as well my friend. Love you!!

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