I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday morning and a beautiful day in the city of Corona, California.
I entered the large sanctuary with both pain and hope in my heart. The night before I prayed that God would lead me to a church I could call home. I hadn’t known Christ for too long and to tell you the truth I didn’t know him as much as I should have.
I had prayed the sinners prayer about a year before but my heart was not fully surrendered. It was more of a trial basis. I was still hurt by all that my life had composed of up until then and I didn’t feel comfortable calling Jesus, Jesus. It was too personal for my comfort. So I called him God and avoided an intimate relationship with him.
I was a Sunday church goer and that was the extent of my Christianity, but a year later, everything changed.
I was living with an abusive man I was not married to, and though I thought that having a great new BMW and a beautiful new home would fix all of our problems, I quickly found out that a bunch success didn’t fix a hurting heart and a broken spirit.
I was in pain and I had reached my breaking point. I tried it ALL: men, money, alcohol, travel, fun and even dabbled with new age spirituality, but nothing worked..at least not long term.
It all just served as a temporary escape from the pain of my present and past.
So when I again found myself feeling empty after yet another argument with my then boyfriend (who would soon become my husband, and then ex-husband… I’ll save that story for another post), I finally caved in and prayed to Jesus, specifically, and I asked him to help me.
I went to a local church seeking the answer to my deeply embedded continuos pain, and there I found and accepted Jesus into my heart… genuinely.
I still remember the answer I gave to the woman’s questions who sat with me after I accepted Jesus.
“Why did you accept Jesus?” she asked.
I broke down crying and in between sobs I managed to answer,
“Because I am tired.”
And I was.
Tired of trying to do things my way.
Tired of trying to fix my life with different things.
Tired of the constant hopelessness, and most specifically, tired of living in FEAR and not knowing what LOVE truly was, the two things that kept me in a continued cycle of wrong choices.
After that moment I knew things were going to change.
Fully Surrendered is how I came to the feet of Jesus and Fully Surrendered is how I encourage you to approach Him, the one who has the answer your spirit longs to find.
<3 Ruby E. Dieguez