I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday morning and a beautiful day in the city of Corona, California.
I entered the large sanctuary with both pain and a hope in my heart of encountering God. The night before I prayed a prayer of surrender, a prayer that would set me up to encounter God in a way I never had.
I was 25 and hadn’t known Christ for too long. A year before, I had prayed the sinner’s prayer but my heart was not fully surrendered. My relationship with God was more of a “trial basis”. I was a young woman who was hurt by all that I had endured during my childhood and teenage years. I lacked trust in people and because of this, I didn’t fully trust God. Calling him Jesus made God too personal and so I called him God, attempting to shield myself from intimacy and let down.
A year later there I stood, a broken semi-Christian.
I was living with an abusive man to whom I was not married to, and though I thought that having a great new BMW and a beautiful new home would fix all of our problems, I quickly found out that success didn’t fix a hurting heart or a broken spirit.
I was in pain and I had reached my breaking point.
Up until that point in life, I tried it ALL: men, money, alcohol, travel, fun and even dabbled with new age spirituality, but nothing worked..at least not long term.
It all just served as a temporary escape from the pain of my present and past.
So when I again found myself feeling empty after yet another argument with my then boyfriend (who would soon become my husband, and then ex-husband… I’ll save that story for another post), I finally caved in and prayed to Jesus, specifically, and I asked him to help me.
The next day I went to a local church seeking the answer to my continuous pain, and there I found and accepted Jesus into my heart… genuinely.
I still remember the answer I gave to the woman’s question who sat with me after I accepted Jesus.
“Why did you accept Jesus?” she asked.
I broke down crying and in between sobs I managed to answer,
“Because I am tired.”
And I was.
I was tired of trying to do things my way.
I was tired of trying to fix my life with different things, people and titles.
I was tired of the constant hopelessness.
I was tired of living in FEAR.
And I was tired not knowing what LOVE truly was.
All the things that kept me in a continuous cycle of wrong choices.
But after that moment I knew things were going to change.
Fully Surrendered is how I came to the point of encountering God.
Fully Surrendered is how I encourage you to go to the feet of Jesus.
He is the one who has the answer your spirit longs to find.
<3 Ruby E. Dieguez